Who can you trust to help you with attachment work?

 In this episode of the Resource Yourself podcast, Sefora Janel Ray dives into the essential topic of finding a trustworthy therapist or coach to support your attachment and relationship growth journey. Sefora shares her insights, biases, and personal experiences to guide listeners in making informed decisions about who to work with.

Key Highlights:

1. The Importance of Rapport and Understanding:

   • Choose someone you like and feel understood by.
   • Consider factors such as shared experiences, identity, or relatability, but remember these are just the baseline.

2. The Value of Experience in Relationship Work:

   • Seek professionals who have worked with couples.
   • Experience with couples provides a deeper understanding of relationship dynamics and helps identify sabotaging patterns.

3. Homework and Accountability:

   • Therapists or coaches who provide homework encourage active participation and progress.
   • Homework can address different attachment styles (e.g., anxious or avoidant) and helps individuals reflect, process, and implement changes.

4. Honest Treatment Plans:

   • Look for a clear plan outlining steps for growth and healing.
   • Treatment plans provide structure and help set realistic expectations, especially for couples navigating complex dynamics.

5. Confrontation with Compassion:

   • A good professional will lovingly and skillfully challenge patterns that keep you stuck.
   • This includes interrupting unproductive tendencies and redirecting focus to transformative work.

6. Feeling Resourced and Learning to Resource Yourself:

   • The goal of therapy or coaching should be empowerment and independence, not dependency.
   • When done well, you integrate the tools and perspectives learned into your life.

7. Experience and Training Matter:

   • Beware of undertrained professionals in the booming attachment space.
   • Look for someone who teaches, has deep experience, or integrates methods like EMDR for accelerated progress.

Additional Insights:

• Therapy vs. Coaching: While both have strengths, it's crucial to find the right fit for your needs.
• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can be a transformative tool, especially for attachment work.

Sefora’s Final Thoughts:

• Finding the right person to support your journey is pivotal.
• Effective work should feel powerful, transformational, and deeply supportive of your goals to create love and secure relationships.

Takeaway Checklist for Choosing a Therapist or Coach:

1. Do you like them and feel understood?
2. Have they worked with couples?
3. Do they have experience or teach in the field?
4. Do they provide homework to ensure progress?
5. Do they offer an honest treatment plan?
6. Are they skilled at confronting your patterns with compassion?
7. Do they help you feel resourced and teach you to resource yourself?

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Tune in to the next episode for more empowering conversations to resource yourself and transform your relationships!